How to be a gentleman, even whilst wearing high heels and lippy.......

March 16th, 2009

The key to drama-free lesbian life? Discretion, discretion and discretion, writes Shelley Jay.

Why be a gentleman? Think about it! You’ve had a girlfriend who is now your ex; would you like her to divulge your secrets? How about the fact you needed her to dress up as a dinner lady and threaten to spoon feed you rice pudding before you could get off? So embarrassing! Has she told anyone about your little secret?

Perhaps you never even told her your deepest, darkest sexual desires out of fear that she would gossip. That’s where we all lose out. Our sex lives are where we should be at our most intimate and open with our girlfriends, but the wise woman knows that if that relationship breaks down she could be open to ridicule if the ex tells all.
A gentleman never tells

Be a gentleman, even if you have long hair and wear lippy. You can develop a reputation for being that gentleman, and it doesn’t have to involve opening doors or paying for meals.

You must never ever discuss an ex’s sexual peccadilloes or secrets with anyone, even a current girlfriend. So if an ex had to get off with you rogering (or being rogered!) whilst singing the star spangled banner, dressed as Wonder Woman, that secret stays with you to the grave (even though you would love to gossip about it).

Explain to your girlfriend that yes you are totally finished with your ex, but no you will not say if she was or wasn’t good in bed. She should understand – after all this could be her one day!

As bonus you are likely to find that your girlfriend will be more honest about her wants and needs in bed as she will know that what she says to you will never leave the bedroom… a great recipe for mind blowing sex!
How to keep your girlfriend and exes happy

You now have a new girlfriend and if she has been on the scene she knows the score with exes. We are a subculture, and as such have a limited choice of places to go and socialise with our own kind, so we are often still friends with the ex.

How do you deal with this situation? It can be even more difficult for your new relationship if you refuse to divulge your ex’s secrets, because you are following your gentleman’s code.

If she’s hasn’t been on the scene here are a few tips for dealing with the situation:

• Introduce your current girlfriend to your ex (or exes) when the opportunity arises.
• If for some reason you see your ex, say at a nightclub (don’t make it too often) be open about it. It’s when you don’t tell your girlfriend and act secretive that she will start to worry.
• Don’t give your girlfriend reason to worry about your ex, but at the same time don’t let her worries dictate who you do and don’t see. That way leads to her controlling your life.
• Spend some time apart with your friends; it gives you the chance to assess your relationship.
The code of the butch?

In America being a gentleman is also known as the code of the butch, but good manners and discretion shouldn’t just be based on your dress, it’s an attitude that should transcend butch, femme, boi or whatever.

Ultimately the code of the gentleman is all about being a lady.


I had this article published in lesbilicious.co.uk